Podcast #4: 

The way we view our children has a profound impact on how we parent  – and respond to our children.

This episode begins to expose some popular views our culture holds of children, which can be extremely detrimental.

We discuss the lies – and then share the truth – about children that can change the way you view parenting!

Listen here: Click here to open in new window

OR – Listen and subscribe in  iTunes  or  Stitcher

Here’s our printable  Nurture Notes PDF:  Nurture Notes 4 – Dr. Barbara Sorrels

Please share this post with your friends!


Krista and Dr. Barbara


The way in which we perceive, or place value on, something determines how we care for it – or not.
Example: finding a ring on the ground. It might be a trinket, or something of value, depending on who it belongs to. Who it belongs to gives it value. Our children belong to God which makes them extremely valuable.


Let’s first lay a foundation of truth as to how God sees children, so that we can point out the lies in our culture at large – and specifically within Christian culture.


How does God view children?


Very Good- Genesis 1:31-In creation God called humans very good whereas all the rest of creation was just good. Even when He knew we had the capacity to sin. God recognizes their goodness. 


Hebrew culture valued children. Festivals and traditions were designed to pass on their faith in a way children could understand.


A gift – Psalm 127:4-5: Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.


Formed by God- Psalm 139: For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your words, And my soul knows it very well.


Known by God and set apart- Jeremiah 1:5: Before I created you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart.


Matthew 18:3: Unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.


Matthew 18:10: See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven.


Beware modern society – even popular Christian culture
Just because something is in print does not make it true. We need to use discernment and know the Word of God. Look into the credibility of who you are reading and getting information and advice from.


Often a hint of truth is twisted into something detrimental.


Here are some very harmful lies, as presented by popular Christian authors



Lie Number One:


“Even a child in the womb and coming from the womb is wayward and sinful” (Listen to podcast for reference)
“The child is a sinner. There are things within the heart of the sweetest little baby that , allowed to blossom and grow to fruition will bring about eventual destruction. The rod functions in this context.” 


What is the lie? Children are born fatally flawed and – in a sense – out to get us.


That’s very different than saying that a child is born with a capacity to sin and is born with a will that chooses sin. Never in scripture does God call children wayward.


In scripture God makes it clear that children are a gift and a blessing.


Lie Number Two:
“This tendency toward self-will is the essence of “original sin” which has infiltrated the human family. It certainly explains why I place such stress on the proper response to willful defiance during childhood, for that rebellion can plant the seeds of personal disaster”  (Listen to Podcast for reference)


“A child very quickly demonstrates his fallen, depraved nature and reveals himself to be a selfish little beast in manifold ways. As soon as the child begins to express his own self-will (and this occurs early in life) that child needs to receive correction. My wife and I have a general goal of making sure that each of our children has his will broken by the time he reaches the age of one year. To do this, a child must receive correction wen he is a small infant.”


(Can you believe the language used above to describe children? What type of nurture comes from this view?)
What is the lie?
It’s the parent’s job to fix the fatal flaw.


What is the truth?
It’s not our job. It’s God’s job. Only the redemptive work of God can redeem the sin nature of a child. The role of the parent is to demonstrate the grace of God and love the child to Jesus. We are the hands and feet of Jesus. It is our job to love that child as Jesus would.


Lie Number Three:


“A temper tantrum is an absolute rejection of parental authority. Parents should isolate the child (with a promise of consequences) then follow through with chastisement (spanking) after the child settles down.”


Tantrums are a form of challenging behavior that can be eliminated by one or more appropriate spankings. 


Disclaimer- following some of the principles in these popular books can undermine healthy attachment. The American Academy of Pediatrics has warned against some of these books.
What is the lie?


Children’s so-called bad behavior is a manifestation of their sinful heart and willful disobedience and must be handled with power, control, and coercion.


What is the truth?


Most of children’s so called bad behavior is often the result of unmet or misunderstood needs. Instruction and correction in the context of unconditional love by a parent who models grace changes the hearts of children- not punishment or harsh discipline.


Parental selfishness and convenience can lead to childrens’ challenging behaviors. Our culture wants parenting to be convenient and easy and all about us.


One of the greatest myths of our culture is that we can have it all. We can have it all but not at the same time.
There are seasons of life. When we choose to have children, we are choosing them over our own aspirations, dreams, and personal goals.


So how does this matter in daily life?
How we view and value our children affects how we care for them.


Infancy: If I view the infant who wakes up in the night as evidence of his flawed character then I will either ignore his needs or respond harshly. If I view the child through the lens of grace and as gift, I will respond with loving compassion and soothe the baby back to sleep no matter how inconvenient loosing sleep is.


Toddler: If I view the “no” of a toddler as an act of willful defiance, I will respond with power and control with the intention of overpowering his will. But if I see the child through the lens of grace and as a gift, I will see his no as a declaration of independence and celebrate his growing autonomy.


This is where understanding child development equips to you be a better parent because you understand the why of behaviors in each stage. I would respond with empathy to his frustration and handle it with gentle redirection rather than harsh discipline or punishment.


Preschooler: If I view the preschooler who whines incessantly as a manipulative child, out to get his own way, then I will begin to feel like a victim myself, and may lash out in irritation and anger.


But if I view the child as someone who doesn’t quite know how to verbalize his discomfort or distress, then I will respond with compassion and help him to find better ways of expressing his needs and discomfort.


School age: If I view the school age child who sulks and balks at doing their homework as a lazy and unmotivated child, then I will respond with disgust and frustration. I may take away privileges, or use coersive strategies such as taking away tv time, friend time, allowance, etc.


But if I see the child’s behavior as an indication of a lack of understanding or feelings of incompetence, then I will respond with support and find the help the child needs to be successful.


Take some time to consider how you view your children and is that view grounded in God’s view of children versus a misguided twisting of truth. Or is it guided by your own convenience rather than a true understanding of the needs of children?


Be encouraged!
Renewing our minds to correct belief about children makes us better parents.